It’s been almost 2 years since I have returned from the World Race: 2 years since I have used my passport, 2 years since I have smelled the third world or had feet covered in dirt after walking from hut to hut, 2 years since I have sat holding hands and laughing with people who don’t even speak my language.

In just a few months, I will leave my air conditioned office and have the opportunity to live among the poor once again. On June 25 I will travel with a group of high school students to spend a month in Guatemala. We will spend time in communities visiting homes and schools. Not only will I have the opportunity to serve the people of Guatemala, I will also be serving high school students from around the country as they venture into a world that lacks their usual comforts and be stretched as they learn to serve in ways they never imagined.

I am privileged to have this opportunity, and am excited as this is a gateway into a new transition in my life. For this trip, I have been asked to raise $1,000. If you would like to help support me please visit my World Race blog and click “Support Me”.

I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for me in Guatemala and I am so blessed to have a wonderful network of friends and family to pray for and encourage me as I go and follow Christ’s command to love our neighbors and serve the poor.

Typical conversation with @alandavissc (Taken with instagram)

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair

2 Corinthians 4:7-8

You never fully comprehend the weakness we possess as humans until you are met with trial. We tend to think we are invincible, we can handle everything on our own with no help from the Lord. We forget our humanity and our vast need for the infinite grace and mercy of our Savior.

This week I lost my aunt. With no husband or children of her own, she was like a mother to my sister and me. After my grandmother died, holidays were spent at her house. Growing up, she always bought our Christmas and Easter dresses. She became seriously ill three weeks ago, and just when we all thought she would get better, Jean Marie had other plans. She simply couldn’t fight any longer.

Family death on top of planning to move to attend graduate school has completely exhausted me. Driving home from Athens yesterday, I finally realized just how weak I was and how much I desperately need the grace and mercy Christ has to offer.

As humans we have the tendency to want to “fix” people, to make them happy or get rid of the pain. But over the past week, I have realized that is not what Christ calls us to do. Jesus calls us to meet each other where we are, in the happiest of times and in the worst of times. We are called to share in the joy and sorrow of our brothers and sisters, and this is exactly how Christ has ministered to me over the past week.

I have been blessed to have friends who aren’t afraid to meet me where I am, in the midst of my physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion and just be. No fixing. No fussing when I may be ridiculous. No trying to understand what I am going through, or meager attempts to relate. I am blessed with friends who simply walk alongside me and carry pieces of the burden.

I have been overwhelmed with support in so many ways: the boyfriend who sits for 15 minutes while I cry or the best friend who texts to say she spent the morning crying and praying for me, the other best friend who calls multiple times a day even though she is in the middle of grad school finals, the biggest hug from the tiniest roommate, and every text/email/phone call I have received from people just saying they are praying for me.

I hope to be the person who recognizes the need for grace in the people around me. I hope to carry the burdens of others and to be their biggest fan as they walk through the trials of life. I hope to give as much love and mercy as I have received over the past week.

Thank you everyone who has prayed for and supported my family this week. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Today’s prayer (Taken with instagram)

Today will be the last time Sargent Bullock takes my keys and calls Charles for mentoring. Today will be our last time to sit in the cubicle and talk about whatever is on Charles’ mind. Today will be my last game of Uno with Charles. Today will be the last time we are together behind the fence.

Friday morning, Charles will walk through the fence a free man. He will be greeted at the guard’s station by his family, and his mom will take him to lunch, a buffet where he can eat as much as a 6’4” 17 year old can ever dream of eating. He will go to his new home, put on clothes that were not issued by the state, that are not the same as everyone around him, and be free.

For a year and a half, Charles has been counting down until this day, and while he would never admit it, I know he is scared. On Friday there is no certainty of schedule and regimen, or even the certainty of three meals a day. He will be surrounded by friends and family that knew him only before going behind the fence. He is no longer the same. He will have to establish the identity he has gained in over the past 18 months in a completely new environment. He will have to make wise choices on his own, with no one looking over his shoulder.

Over the past few weeks with Charles, I have realized how scary freedom actually is. How it is much easier to be told what to do and when to do it. To have a strict set of rules to follow and boxes to check off. Yet this is hardly the life Christ wants for us. Christ died so we may have a free and abundant life. And this is exactly the life I pray Charles finds when he walks through the fence.

I have no control over what happens next. After Friday morning, I may never see Charles again. However, I know I will continue to pray for him. I will pray that with his newly regained freedom he finds abundant life. I will pray that he makes the right decisions and is successful in everything he attempts. I will pray that he never takes his freedom for granted, but that it is a reminder of the life we were created for.

I hope Charles knows the overwhelming love God has for him, and that the Lord does not see him as a juvenile delinquent, but a son. I pray that Charles does not seek a new identity in his circumstances, or his “homies”, but is able to walk out of DJJ a FREE MAN. A man that has learned from his mistakes and continues to move forward.

I also pray that my time with Charles leaves a lasting impression on my heart. My time behind the fence has changed me as well, and I hope to never forget the precious moments I have had with Charles, the staff, and other volunteers. My time with Charles has been a continued reminder of the blessings God has given me, and that my identity is not found in what I do or who I am with, but my identity is found in the heart of Christ. I am his daughter, and I am greatly loved and adored by him.

Only the Lord knows what is ahead for me and Charles. Only he knows when, if, and how our paths will cross again. But I know that over the past 18 months we have changed each other. I will leave juvie today thankful for that time and relationship, and most importantly thankful for the lasting impression Charles has had on me.

First thing yesterday morning, The Boss comes into my office and says he needs help:

“Leize Marie. I need your help. Because you are healthy, and you eat healthy, and you care about my health. I can tell. So because of all this, I need you to look into something for me. Not during work hours per se because I don’t want it to interfere with your productivity. But since you are kind of a hippie and shop at Earth Fare and are a city girl and all those other things I make fun of you for, I want you to help me.

I have been thinking about maybe… during lent… like once a week… maybe on Fridays… doing some type of fast or cleanse. You know, like the muslims do at Ramadan. But I want to know what is the best for me.”

Here he goes on for a few minutes about different “cleanses” and “fasts” he has heard about, and how he has heard they help you.

Me: So. You are asking me to look up a cleanse for you?

The Boss: Yes. Exactly. I mean I will probably have to drink black coffee because dairy may mess it up… I think as soon as I start this it may kill me.

Ten minutes later I walk into The Boss’ office with a question, but before I can say anything he starts with another concern….

“Leize Marie. I have been pondering the complexities of cilantro and I just can’t wrap my arms around it. This was prompted by the chicken wings you brought in (Thai green curry… DELICIOUS!). I mean, over the years I have learned how to pair things like roasted red peppers and sun dried tomatoes. But I just don’t get cilantro. I put it in my Moe’s burrito because you did, and I love it. But I put it in other things and it’s not good. I just don’t get it.”

After a short discussion about cilantro I start to ask my question…

The Boss: Oh. You came in here with a real question?

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Matthew 5:3-5

For most of my life, I have had a passion to serve the poor, to “bless” the less fortunate. I had the privilege of growing up in a home with parents who gave so much of themselves to others. I watched my dad tirelessly serve the widows who came into his service station, and grew up with a mother who spent years of her life loving middle school students who were in desperate need of affection and affirmation. As I have grown up, my definition of the “less fortunate” has evolved to not only include those in physical poverty as well as the “poor in spirit”. I have learned that each person, at some point, is in some type of poverty of the spirit. We are all in need of the grace, mercy, and healing of Christ, no matter what our income or social status. We have all been abused and hurt in some way, we have all felt worthless in comparison to those around us, we can all be classified as the “poor in spirit”.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:1-3

I believe my call to bring light to the dark places of the world is clear. I believe this does not require traveling to the poorest countries of the world, but mere obedience to be present where the Lord has called me. My neighbor is in just as much need of Christ as the children of Africa.

However, I am beginning to realize that to give the grace, healing, life, and hope of Christ to the “poor in spirit”, I must also recognize my own need. I am not excluded from those who desperately need Jesus. I can only freely give grace to the extent that I freely receive grace. I can only bring freedom to those captive as I receive the freedom Christ has provided for me.

Jesus came to redeem his children and I am His precious and chosen daughter. He came to bring hope and light to the world in which I am a part. Christ calls me to himself as he says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

So today I will choose to recognize my own poverty and need for Christ. I will choose to allow him to pour his grace upon me. And I will choose to know my identity as his daughter, his creation, his beloved. I choose this so that the love, light, hope, and life that I receive may overflow to the poor in spirit around me.

The kids in juvie give back… I am privileged to volunteer with a Juvenile Justice program focused on more than keeping bad kids off the street, but actually showing them how to be a positive influence in their community.

A beautiful reminder that the things I say to and about people have effect.

Today The Boss and I were having a conversation about vegetarianism. Somehow he related the topic to a quote by Edward Cullen from Twilight. Since I have never seen Twilight or read one word from the books, I just gave him my frequent and typical blank stare…

The Boss: Leize Marie, you don’t know what I am talking about? WHERE ARE YOU FROM?!

Me: I don’t know. Sorry?

The Boss: You know in the fourth grade when they separate boys and girls for “the talk”, telling you how you are different, where were you? Weren’t you supposed to learn girl things like that? (Puffs his chest). Aren’t you supposed to be like, “OMG! Jacob the totally hot and ripped werewolf!”? I just don’t get it.